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52. VLOG: 101508
1 year ago
I'm BAAacck! and Bigger than ever (literally)! Please share some lovin'!
Troy
Troy
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i think you're handsome no matter what weight you are, but i totally understand. i'll be here to support you.
i have a story. it's not as quite as severe as yours with dying and all, but last year at this time i ran a marathon and was in extremely great shape. my entire life i felt fat and ugly and hated myself, but after i fought hard to lose fifty pounds (weight watchers), and got in great shape (running and weight lifting), i finally felt comfortable in my skin.
shortly after the marathon, i was in severe pelvic, hip, and back pain. doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. i visited every doctor under the sun over an eight month period, and even had a hysterectomy to rule out any female problems. all the while i was in a lot of pain. a lot of pain.
i got tired
out of shape
depressed
didn't socialize
got violent and smashed a few things
withdrew
and got what i called FAT
i hated myself (still do sorta) and everyone around me it sucked.
after nine months, i'm just now starting to feel better. i'm not close to getting back in to the gym, but the pain is going away slowly. no doctor has give me a diagnosis even still.
i can relate to you on some level.
the amount of support i received through vimeo was incredibly moving. it still blows my mind just thinking about it.
please keep making videos. i want to see your progress!
Your story really helps. When I was recovering from Pneumonia and ppl shared their recovery process, it was amazing how much comfort and trust it gave me in my body, and this does the same thing.
Thank, Loona!!!
Anyways, speaking about physical problems and affections... I could give you support, but I *totally* forgot about those since I can't overcome them easily (a few with surgery, some others I don't know yet if I can do it with exercise). Aside all this, I've dealt with 'moobs' all my life (part of my half-share of Lunar bodytype). Only when I go to the gym I get rid of those, but I usually don't have problems getting overweighted!! It's fun but by default here, men from a little bit earlier than my generation were considered manly man and loved by their women if they showed some "belly" behind their t-shirts.
As a kid, I got really stuffed by my mom who bought me almost anything regarding food that was attractive to me, and as today's sun I can't stop feeling *loved* when I get stuffed myself. On the contrary, when I lose much weight, either by working out or just by lessening the amount of food, I feel like anorexic, silly, poor, weak, etc...
so, Troy, you went through a surgery -might you say- unnecesarily, I will undergoing the same to "fix" something in my body, yet I hope I will be healthy afterwards and forget about the possible consequences and also my past where I lived with the problem.
I know it's still hard to deal with sickness, but remember: it is also to deal with physical congenital defects, psychologically!!! :s (I don't know which one is harder but here is my share to support your feeling)
Many hugs and talkin'
Mario :D