Screened 12-14-12

shot on tri-x reversal stock 16mm, bolex h16
hand processed
some as negative, most as positive
edited on steenbeck L

"It's been so long, babe, but the wanting comes in waves. They keep lapping, never stopping, resilient. Is this the result of our brilliance? God, I hope not. (We "gave up"). God I'm so distraught. (We "moved on") In search of relief. But this is all a cage, and I guess I'm not getting out of it so easily.
It's Sunday. Her eyes were hazel. Or were they brown? Has it been that long since I've looked into her soul? I'm not living for very much anymore...
A gasp, verbal recoil. A simple intake of oxygen. So simple an action, so complex a motive. Fuck English, this is the human language, more intricate and basic than the spoken vulgarities we conjugate our lives into. Unfortunate is the soul who bears witness to his mistake, and this, his punishment. A confession, my confession, appears to have caused the four letter word to rattle out of your throat. Deathly feelings hover above our prediciment, and its name is a "sigh". Kill me now, hope shimmers! Kill me now, it is murdered like a damn beetle. Death is welcomed, but that is the only time its decay enters my door. All I want, all I need is a game. To hear a click, to be blown away by your smile, by your bold, unshaking, warm breath. A click is heard, and, HA HA, very funny. I am truly blown away. A slug enters and leaves, and a hole is what's left. Gaping, no liquid, no pill can fill this gaping chasm. With this shot, and your recoil of a gasp, therefore, I bid you adieu. 'Till death do we part. And life do we meet.
Some people find comfort in religion, some complex concept of community, or are just content with knowing that they will never truly know. None of those theories ever satisfied me. No, me? I believe in chaos...
The thing is, I don't regret a thing. Can you say the same?

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