music is by johhny flynn

i buzzed my gay pomp and clippered my tender beard on a blustery night before the first storm of the season. i did not know that what i would see in my face were elements of the "me" before i transitioned. i had not seen my face beardless in years. you can see my face change from goofy-awkward to pretty distraught towards the end of the video. i've spent the last few days feeling disphoria around my face and how my body feels in relation to seeing my face closer to as it was pre-transition (there are moments when i strongly feel that i have breasts again, or have flashbacks of traumatic moments from that time).

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