I’ll admit it-I owned a G.I. Joe. I had one of the original models, a 1964 Navy Guy. He was 12-inches tall, and the star of many of my own original adventures.

By the 1980’s, Joe was downsized to a 3 and 3/4-inch version and was no longer attached to the traditional U.S. Military. The figures were now an elite counter-terrorist team code-named G.I. Joe, whose main purpose was to defend the free world from Cobra, a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world. Their adventures were immortalized in a popular animated show and a line of comic books.

“G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra” is a $170 million version of his 80’s cartoon adventures. It’s filled with huge action, impressive set pieces, and tons of cool vehicles and weapons. The whole movie plays out like the climax to any James Bond film from the 70’s and 80’s-lots of shooting, vehicles tumbling, soldiers rappelling, an evil henchmen, and a standard leader of industry setting things in motion to take over the world.

Unfortunately, it’s not very exciting. In fact-it’s tedious. The script seems lifted straight out of one of its’ cartoons, and you never really care for any of the one-dimensional characters. The plot and dialogue are both lame, and come right out of the manual of uninspired action flicks.

It’s directed by Stephen Sommers, who brought us the much superior film “The Mummy”, and wastes many talented actors, including Jonathan Pryce, Dennis Quaid, Christopher Eccleston and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. In the lead role of “Duke”, Channing Tatum showcases his deep lack of acting skills. He’s best in his role when he shuts up and shoots.

This film has no heart and soul, and seems lifeless-even while it bombards you with non-stop action. 9 and 10 year olds might enjoy it, but I’d definitely wait until the DVD comes out.

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