In talking with friends one time I was asked to explain creativity and what being an artist felt like. The best analogy that came off the top of my head at the time was that it was like being in love with the woman of your dreams, but constantly afraid she was going to kill you. For some reason this idea always stuck with me. The image that you could be in love and everything is perfectly fine, but the thoughts of constantly feeling like your life is in danger would eventually drive you mad and make you lose your sense of reality. When even the most solid of anchors to this life, (a loving relationship) is no longer a believable reality, nothing in this world seems normal. Your relationship to objects, space, and time slowly lose their meaning and you no longer look at the world the same. This sense of torture and detachment coupled with knowing that it only exists in your head while the rest of the world works normally is about as fitting a description of the creative process that I can come up with.
Months later I started writing this story down and taking moments out of the narrative to put it together to make a short film. I stuck on this name of "Saturday Sunday" because it directly dealt with time. Weekends feel lost to me sometimes. At a certain point the calendar is irrelevant and you're either working or you're not. When you're not working time stops and you're alone with your thoughts, and you can either live with them or find distractions to avoid the inevitable. In the story, it's these moments of introspection and isolation where he is confronted with the thoughts he doesn't want to address and he takes on a form of madness. That is not to say that he is insane. As I grow older and talk to more people I realize how "un-normal" we all are when left alone in the privacy of our own space. When isolated from the world we tend to stop succumbing to rules we place upon ourselves to adhere to society.
I say all of this not to explain what you will watch, it is intentionally left open to be whatever you want it to be, but to further discuss what Letter to Jane has always been asking: what is it like to live as an artist in today's world? We all go to school or read about how our heroes made their way through life in a different time with different rules. We cannot break the rules that have already been broken, nor should that be our mission. Everyone has a goal to find some level of comfort with themselves and their life, and in the ever diluting world of creative fields, where all jobs and roads that existed just a couple years ago have vanished, our personal goals seem to become an unattainable feat. Everyone in their twenties right now has grown up with conflicting narratives. We started out being told to follow our dreams and believe in ourselves and before we can wrap our heads around that the paths to our dreams have vanished in an ever changing economy and culture. I am not grandstanding in the least unfortunately, it's a real problem that everyone I talk to faces which is why I'm so surprised it rarely gets discussed. This is what I wanted to discuss head on in Letter to Jane #4, and I wanted to use this film to set the tone for that. To me this is a mood piece, a sounding board to a further conversation.
This film was shot in Portland Oregon as part of issue 4 of Letter to Jane Magazine. I'd like to thank Guy Cappiccie, Bruke Getachew, and Brian Vincent for assisting me through the shoot and Alex Nguyen and Randa Smith starring in this short.
A high quality version of this film along with a digital companion booklet and promo materials is available for download for $2. You can learn more at lettertojane.com/saturdaysunday
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