This interview is to support my new novel, Only Everything, BEFORE August 16th! More at tinyurl.com/onlyeverything.
“Feelings of specialness cause so much trouble in relationships. We have to start by taking responsibility for what it ours. It’s not about not enough sex, or about the dishes not being done.”
Kelly Notaras is former New York book editor, she left the big city in 2005 for a new life in Boulder, CO as the VP/Associate Publisher of the renowned spirituality publisher Sounds True. In 2010 she moved to San Francisco to study slow sex, man-woman dynamics, and communication under Nicole Daedone. Now back in Boulder, she does sex and relationship consulting with couples and individuals.
Often we attempt to achieve in life to prove that we are, in fact, special.
Culture is moving from a focus on “me” to a focus on “us”.
Orgasmic Mediation, or “slow-stroking” a woman, is a wonderful way to investigate our feelings of “specialness” in relationship, and where they are, in fact, in the way of true loving.
It’s important to understand the beauty of our specialness, but in spiritual sense. This part of you doesn’t need to be told it’s special, or to “believe” it’s special. It just is so, but the small ego, the wounded child, the personality all turn away from this actual, real beauty.
If you want the thing you’re looking for — improved relationship, or your deepest feeling of assuredness — you need to sit down on a mediation cushion.
Feelings of specialness cause so much trouble in relationships. We have to start by taking responsibility for what it ours. It’s not about not enough sex, or about the dishes not being done.
When you get upset in a relationship, how often is it because you don’t feel special? How many relationships have ended because of this?
Sometimes, a relationship is complete. Not failed, but complete. I encourage people to stay connected after a relationship is complete, but this is a very new paradigm, at odds with our feelings of specialness.
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