Sexually abused multiple times in her teens, my guest found healing that allowed her to live a healthy life not defined by her past abuse. At just 15, Haneef Jordan was gang raped and then at 16 she began to endure daily sexual abuse at the hands of a trusted family member on her way to school. This set her on a course to self destruction for many years. I am happy to say she is now happily married with two beautiful children and is using her voice to make a difference and help others.
Sometimes it feels like it happened yesterday, but it's something Haneef works through everyday to ensure it doesn't define who she is today.
Before the rape, Haneef was a vibrant young girl, full of life with many dreams. The rape robbed her of who she believed she was suppose to be at that age. She second guessed who she was. Her trust in humanity, especially in man was destroyed.
In this candid interview, Haneef takes us back to her childhood, retracing the steps that lead to abuse at home by her step father, leading her to spend time in Oregon where she was gang raped by 3 men, then back home where she endured rape at the hands of her step uncle.
She found that years after the abuse, well after she felt healing in her life, the trauma resurfaced again. "I talk about it now because I want women to know that it's okay to get help," Haneef explains. She also tells this story to warn women to listen to their own gut feelings when they sense fear.
Although some people may not understand it, Haneef says, "You have to forgive yourself and take responsibility for the things you create. I don't take responsibility for what the person did TO me, but when I look back I should've listened to my intuition." The betrayal of yourself is the worst betrayal you can go through. "When that happens to you you lose a core part of yourself and it's a long journey to get it back."
She goes on to tell us about her mother's own past with sexual abuse. Haneef's biological father was a friend of Haneef's mother and would walk to and from school. One morning, he told her that he had forgotten something at his home and led her there. Her mother's gut instinct told her not to go, but she went against her gut which sensed fear and went anyway.
"My gut is my truth thats my God telling me, ugh uh something's not right about that person," is something Haneef stands by.
Our intuition gets stronger every year as we listen to it and trust it. When you are younger, you don't know what it is. We need to teach our children, that if they feel something and it doesn't sit right with them, to listen to that. And that we as parents, will have their back.
Haneef says, "I broke the cycle. I chose not to be with an abusive man. My children are loved--199%."
Someone who's been abused can smell it on someone.
Our own circles of families and friends don't speak up. When we come across people in our families who are creepy or off, we need to address that. Adults should speak up and speak the truth. I've learned that secrets are not healthy, should not be kept and destroy families.
AUDIO Issue: I apologize for loosing the end of the interview, but we continue the conversation this week via Google Hangout. Haneef is an inspiration in how courageous she's been to be able to move forward. Which is what I want to explore further in our second part of this conversation--the tips and strategies she's used to learn to have a healthy sexual relationship with her husband and a full life. If you have any questions for Haneef, please email them to me at Kirsty@KirstySpraggon.com before the Google Hangout on 9/5/13.
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My hope is that you hear something universal Haneef's story, that you connect with her raw honesty and vulnerability. Perhaps you will realize, you are not alone... I want for everyone to be at peace with who they are (warts and all) and to learn, grow & heal through hearing another person's story.
KirstyTV.com is a safe place for anyone to share their story without judgement. We love and support everyone who is part of our 'Kommunity' and love for everyone to get involved. So please join the conversation on my blog (kirstytv.com/) and don't forget to subscribe to my channel.
I can't wait to connect with you, so let the sharing, healing and learning begin...
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