One of Mr. Malleus's disgruntled employees... Actually, she's an out of work actress-guitarist-sadist moonlighting as a slayer. She's stabbed quite a few vamps and, fortunately, hasn't broken a nail or ruined her manicure yet! (Though she has gotten a few blood stains on some really nice, new outfits.) That's why she's dressed so poorly. She used to wear a really cool leather outfit, boots and all. In fact, she was very glamorous in appearance. The paparazzi couldn't get enough of her and she really felt like a star. Even some of the vampires fell madly in love with her, and she lured them into her deadly stake and mallet trap. Ah,those were the glory days. But she just got tired of taking her sexy outfits in to the shop to get the blood stains removed. And, really, on her salary, she just couldn't afford it anymore. And on warm days, that leather was just a little too hot. Sometimes the vamps would bite holes into her nice leather outfits too.

So now she dons old skulls (long since shrunken) from previous victims, a cross (from our Holy Father) and garlic breath (she eats a ton of Italian food to protect herself from being eaten by those crazy vamps.) Beats raw onions.

I mean, let's face it. Her boyfriend dumped her, left her for a stripper no less. Her landlord threw her out on the street with nothing but her slayer attire. None of her friends will speak to her. Even the Cadillac Church won't let her in to pray because they say she looks like she's homeless and they caught her on their surveillance camera adjusting her mascara while kneeling on a pew in the middle of a sermon.

So she packed up her bags, left Los Dark Angels and moved to Minnie Apples seeking spiritual truth (after she read somewhere it was the North Star State. Yeah, she's pretty darn gullible, lol!) Casting directors and agents won't go near her anymore (she's over 21, has a brain, isn't a bimbo, weighs over 100 lbs AND she refuses to sleep with sleazy rich guys with shifty eyeballs--Hey, I said EYEballs. So git yer mind outta the gutta.)

So what else is left for a poor sod like this? It's a dirty job, a gritty job, and, frankly, she's not very good at it. But they hired her with no strings attached. Mr. Malleus, her boss, pays her just enough cash so that she can manage the weekly rent at the homeless shelter, afford the bus fare to and from the food shelf once a week, feed the squirrels running around inside her head, attend the group therapy sessions, and pay that pesky psychiatrist (who changes her diagnosis and treatment plan every time she sees him--and he accuses HER of being moody!) Whew! Health care is just so expensive in this country.

Currently, she's in the market for a new, improved boyfriend. He's got to have perfect abs, singing ability and a really big, fat, huge BRAIN. But she can't decide what type of man she's looking for--vampires, slayers, ghosts, menacing monsters with sharp, bloody teeth, psychiatrists, social workers, spiritual teachers, or janitorial assistants (are there other types of men out there? Because so far, the above types are all she's seen.)

Am I rambling? Oh, I am sorry... Had too much to drink last night...

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