It was the week before Aunt Flo's monthly visit and I was feeling nasty, bloated, and short tempered. I really hate these feelings and get down on myself. Usually I can stuff it with some chocolate covered toffee and a small spending spree, but not this month. You know those times when you just loose it, you can feel your relationship distancing a little, and you lash out in order to get answers and feel in control again. This is taking your own self judgement and turning it on others to help you feel better. This is human. This is called a defense mechanism. This is NOT how to have a better relationship with your spouse and people around you.
Judgement is the ability to make a "considered decision" or to come to "sensible solutions". Sounds pretty good until we realize that our ability to judge is based on our own pain, upbringing, and shame messages. It's not just judging others that is the problem, but self-judgement that does a lot of damage in relationships.
This video is raw footage shot with my iPad in my office last week as I was wrestling with my own self-judgement and internal pain. Maybe you can relate?
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