I toured the nation as an event emcee. I lived in the Beverly Center parking garage for a month. I was a child celebrity. I sold diamonds in Mexico. I life-guarded at Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas. I performed comedy in Canada. I partied everyday for an entire year. I sold pecans door-to-door. I dined with Ms. Universe in Chicago. I have t-shirts with my face on them.

My name is Austin Aaron. I’m 32 years old. I have a girlfriend named Shannon. I adopted a dog named Noodle. I own a house in 78745. I double space. And now? I sell ideas.