I didn't get many comments on my entry, so I would love some feedback. Thanks.

"Max" vimeo.com/11319794

Andy,

Responding to you and Patrick since you all were the first to ask. Not sure how many I'll get to this round, but I'll try.

I really liked your opening shot and setups. The way the camera was moving and tracking pieces of the character in CU. It was a great use of the equipment, nicely structured and edited and drew me into the story; seeing the glimpses hooked me and made me want to see what was next... the inevitable pullback to wide to reveal the story.

I also personally very much appreciated the way you took your time with scenes and setups. Not overdoing the dialogue or feeling as if you need to cram a ton of narrative into fast and fractured scenes. The way the story -- or at least the first half -- unfolded, was intriguing and began to layer a nice three-act structure.

The scene I liked most was in the kitchen. Well, actually, the terrific shot from outside the car onto his ring finger and his thumb toying with his wedding ring. That clearly set up tension in his marriage, which then got resolved very well in the next scene. In the kitchen, the opening shot onto the wife was particularly nice. Good, unexpected CU framing that brought us right into her mind in the scene and also highlighted the strength of the lensing in camera. She's was great casting and played it nicely, letting pressure develop, clearly at odds with her "secret", and then hitting Max with it. I felt poignancy of the scene and you showed great control in not allowing things to get melodramatic by letting them stay quiet and not pushing the music or shots.

And then I really liked the way you threaded it back out of a flashback by simply cutting back to the ring and the previous scene again. Clean, simple... nice.

That said, I felt like the story slowed down a bit too much after that. I did love the shot of the contrail out the cab window, and even the low angle shot in the lot as he pulled in for the job interview. Good, establishing beats in which the cinematography was really continuing to build the story or a mood.

But the dialogue and action at the interview didn't seem to take us anywhere new, and made me feel like the big climax had already happened in the kitchen and the back half of your film was a long denouement, or playout after the peak.

Finally, I was confused by the structure of the wallet and opening of billfold with "after all these years", and I feel like the final still doesn't do a lot that's interesting for future filmmakers to pick up that blurred photo and do something with it.

Please continue to cast well, and keep taking your time with setting up strong scenes and great shots. But maybe push the narrative to carry a bit more story through action or dialogue.

Nicely crafted, Andy. Look forward to another chapter down the line.

Thank you so much, Nick. Very encouraging to receive that feedback.

Due to scheduling, I probably won't be able to participate in round 5, but I'm anxious to get involved again!

Hey, Jacob. Man, what can I say? You consistently get high scores from me. Your work is beautiful, interesting, unique and really well-crafted. You are telling the story cleanly, with very strong cinematography, and a truly engaging character and a wildly inventive eye.

My guess is your work falls into the more "artistic, experimental" end of things and therefore may simply not do as well for a broader audience. And that even though you haven't cracked the Top 5, it's been damn close... But I honestly don't know since each judge, at the end of the day, is blind to the other scores.

All I can write is a plea for you to continue to tell Edgar's story. I'd miss that furry little green bastard (I can write "bastard" if I do it out of respect and love, right?) if he just disappeared. But I also know all the effort and time it takes. Still, part of me will be thrilled just to see Edgar's Tale -- told through a few chapters -- at the end of the contest, regardless of where you place. That's pretty selfish, but, hey, I can ask.

My guess is that you might place higher by making the films a bit less "quirky", but I realize that would ruin the artistic, unique nature of your voice. You've clearly hit on something that a lot of the Forum is responding to and loves. I say just keep doing your own thing.

Fantastic. Thank you so much, Nick!

I just wish you would get into the top 5. That could be very dangerous though. :)

Keep it up.

I concur

Never mind.