About Jay Criss➜
You can see his charisma from space. Even his enemies list him as their emergency contact. He doesn't use oven timers, he tells the food when its done. Even if he forgets to put postage on his mail, it gets there. When it is raining, it is because he is sad. His organ donation card, also lists his facial hair. His cereal never gets soggy...it sits there, staying crispy, just for him. He tells the alarm clock when its time to wake up. If he were to give you directions, you would arrive 10 minutes early. The front of his house looks like it was built by the Mayans...because it was. He will never have a heart attack...his heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him. When he wakes up the roses smell him. His taco meat refuses to fall from the shell. When he crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways. His blood smells like cologne. He can speak French, in Russian. He handles sizzling fajita platters with his bare hands. He built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Jay Criss met all three bullets with his teeth, deflecting them...JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. If you spell Jay Criss in Scrabble, you win...forever. He will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.