The last leaf
In an area of north Clondalkin there is a tree known locally as the hanging tree many mostly young men have hung themselves from its branches. In 2012 I tried to end my own life trying to hang myself in the early hours one night in my mams house, I don’t really remember what happened but I ended up on the floor my next memory is lying in a room with a neck brace waiting to be x-rayed a precaution to make sure I didn’t damage my neck. I am accessed by a doctor and told “yes, you need to be admitted but we just don’t have a bed available at the moment”. I am sent home under the care of my parents and for the next couple of months I had to attend a day hospital in Clondalkin learning the skills to live life again.
I found myself standing under this tree with my camera, looking through the view finder I see its pain, its torment it almost becomes human in its essence, its bark resembles the layers of paint on the easel from the day hospital layered with patient’s emotions left in a haste, I am back at that moment patterning’s changing with the shifting light
“Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.” –Oscar Wilde
The moment passes.
Photographing the healing process of this tree became a healing process for me taking a deep breath, Sun shines on my face closing my eyes I stand still in its warmth just trying to take in oxygen. New buds now grow from its branches; never again will the last leaf fall. The land that the tree sits on is rezoned ;work on the site is due to commence mid-2015.