The man with the tender heel is called forth to face the strongest man from the opposing army. The Trojan army--specifically the General--is aghast at the masculine beauty of Achilles' ripped and toned torso. The General proposes to Achilles but is denied.
Meanwhile, the Trojans are partying with their buttsluts. But Legolas has accidently wooed the King's mistress with his elvish charm.
He ends up kidnapping her aboard his brother Hector's ship. Confusion arises about Legolas' true species. Elsewhere, the Trojan King, distraught by his missing buttslut, decides to go to war.
Then Odysseus comes in and the film kinda just stops.