Perspectives on Bullying: Part II: Victims
If you are being bullied you should remember a few basic things.
First, it is NOT your fault.
You are not the target of bullies because of anything you did.
Bullies will always find an excuse.
Second, more often you are a target of convenience and in the close confines of school corridors, bells, and period changes paths cross regularly and often.
Third, beyond separation during an attack, school administrators, teachers, and other adults often find themselves under mandates that require them to treat the bully and the bullied identically.
Even worse are the “no-tolerance” policies many schools have where both parties, aggressor and target, are punished equally with no real attempt at manifesting justice.
Fourth, physical altercations or digital assaults are equally devastating.
Therefore Mr. or Ms. Good Kid, you are going to have to toughen your act and understand why you are being bullied.
If you have been bullied, you have wondered what was in the mind of that monkey on your back.
Generally, there is a lot you must understand.
Bullies bully because they NEED to control someone else, and with a lack of maturity and no real learned negotiation techniques their only response to their emotional need is violent aggression toward someone weaker or easily cowed.
You may notice that bullies seldom act alone.
They always seem to have three or four others with them.
I remember a group led by T.B. and F.E. were always together when they assaulted me, never alone where there might be a fair fight.
I GREW UP IN A TIME IN WHICH TWO BOYS WOULD ROLL AROUND IN THE DIRT UNTIL ONE MIGHT END UP WITH A BLOODY NOSE.
THEN IT WAS OVER, PROBLEM SOLVED.
THIS WAS A METHOD OF LEARNING MALE NEGOTIATING TECHNIQUES, THE FAIR FIGHT.
FEMALE NEGOTIATING TECHNIQUES ARE SELDOM SO OVERT.
THE USE OF WORDS, DISPLAYS NEGATIVE ATTITUDES, AND CRUEL PHRASES ARE LEARNED TO BE USED AS WEAPONS AND A MEANS TO GET WHAT IS DESIRED.
Altercations such as these were always embarrassing and degrading to me as well as others I have talked to about this subject.
Bullies do not fight fairly, they gain power and control through the degradation of their victim and more so with an audience of similar mindsets.
I found that when a “fair” opportunity existed, I usually experienced a more positive outcome.
If you are to contend with bullies, consider what is making you a convenient target and try to make some quick and easy changes to alter the dynamic and to find some immediate relief so that you can create some time to consider a more permanent response.
Avoidance seldom works for long.
You need to discuss your experience with a qualified and understanding listener such as a parent, a trusted teacher, or even your pastor.
Such a discussion will help you to understand your feelings and develop a coping strategy.
This discussion will temporarily remove you from the pressures of being bullied and help you organize your thoughts and feelings so that you can understand why you are bullied and to generate your personal courage to deal with the bullies.
I am tired of hearing of good kids committing suicide because they are being bullied.
If you are one of the kids considering such an act.
TALK to someone now!
DO NOT WAIT.
You must understand that the point of bullying is to hurt and devastate.
It is akin to social terrorism.
YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM.