Perspectives on Bullying: Part III: Bullies
If you are a bully, you must understand that your social actions are immature and your negotiating strategies are flawed.
You may find it enjoyable at the moment to control someone weaker than you or an easier target, and you may get some short term gratification from causing someone else pain, but your actions have life-long affects on your victim and you.
Your game is dangerous and often backfires.
Either bullies become victims themselves or once they mature suffer great regret issues that will affect them in many activities they attempt.
Bullies often disassociate themselves from their victims to avoid their own frailties.
Bullies may not realize the depth of pain their victims feel.
The utter degradation and embarrassment felt by their victims may cause those victims irreparable psychological damage and even considerations of suicide.
Victims may consider their weakness as being repugnant to peers and in the eyes of people they respect and love.
Bullies do not often associate themselves with this extreme personal pain and do not consider the possibility of well-deserved jail time for their violent or coercive actions that have resulted in injury or suicide.
Although some young boys and girls find many reasons become bullies, in my opinion they are reacting to a few basic environmental factors.
One factor is that they have poor adult models at home, at school, or in the community.
Another factor is that punishments delivered at school are often given to both aggressor and victim alike in equal measure.
In the eyes of some bullies this unjust equality in punishment can become a statement of acceptance.
The third is that the models they do have are often negative.
Who are the models in the following scenario?
After school a latch key child arrives home to a vacant house, gets him/herself a poor bit of convenience food, and sits down to a television program with no adult supervision.
The program being watched is a cartoon in which the little animal gets crunched only to show up again in the next clip no worse for wear.
The child learns that the interaction between people is 100% and good or bad has no differentiation.
The child, a bully at school, has disassociated him/herself from the pain, both physical and of loss, of their school target.
This was modelled by his/her entering their vacant home, lack of adult supervision in the home, and the aggressive cartoon character whose actions have not resulted in any obvious pain to its victim.
He/she had received no individual punishment at school and may have experienced additional gratification over establishing some control over the victim by causing greater distress and gaining bragging rights as his/her victim was equally punished.
The school administration demonstrated that there is no modeling for justice, only shared pain and punishment, which led to additional pain for the poor victim and additional gratification for the bully.
If you bully others, STOP!
It is time to become more mature and recognize that your actions negatively affect others and that you also will suffer in the future once you do mature.
Bullying is not an adult thing, instead it is a mark of immaturity, self-centeredness, and lack of compassion.
Those who follow bullies share their failings.