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The composition, technical, artistic, aesthetic and performance quality of the work at this stage in the devising process is extremely low, but high quality skills in those areas is not needed at this stage, but not only is the quality of these things low because I’m at such an early stage in devising, i must partly confess it is also that my actual ability in these areas is low, inexperienced and unknown to me, because I’ve never worked out of this place. Devising is not common practice in classical music training, but it’s precisely by having a relationship with these skills here that I can grow them. I see it a bit like dry rot that must be worked with, instead of built upon and ignored. It’s not really that hard to do once you can allow yourself the space to do it and bear to be with yourself in this way.
Good skill and proper internal connection were missed out, covered up and sort of exasperated by my original training and human state, as I unconsciously tried to be creative through my conditioned lens and the use of music elements and using music tools as objects and with my mind, instead of being with myself, my body and imagination at this very early raw stage. Here I’m exploring and learning through my own practical research. My main goal is to work through things and be easy on myself at this very raw level.
Over a long period of time I’m changing my belief, perception and processing to an internal and felt state but, as I’m finding out through my research, it’s a long, slow, mentally listening to self, tricky process, deeply connected to sensation and imagination, but very enjoyable in a strange way. To a lot of friends and colleagues I have seemed to have lost the plot or been revealed to be somebody who has no skills, this is in part true but also not, as in order to grow I am having to deconstruct and it’s this deconstruction that is perceived as low artistic quality because we live in a world where this sort of work is seen as low artistic quality. We don’t yet have the language or space in the music or creative music world to do this with groups of people or in music training.
I am sharing it on this public platform to create a witnessing of it, to cause more shifts the work. Here is a link to another version which was produced a year later vimeo.com/267160041 . Many shifts had occurred in that time. There will be a public performance at Heron Corn Mill, Cumbria, in September 2018.
My website creativemusicmind.com