Socialised to suppress, conceal, deny and be ashamed of our inner worlds, for many gay men opening up to one another in human and non-defensive ways is a challenge to say the least. Add to this a shrinking gay scene, the exponential growth of virtual ‘connections’, and the availability of chems often only a few taps away, it’s easy to see why many gay men despair of developing intimate relationships in C21st. And yet we do – brave souls that we are – reaching to each other through the psychological undergrowth and across the divides. This presentation shares some ideas about how gay men are being intimate in the C21st.