(July 2016 - explicit emotions safe for most viewers)
Words: “The night my Vimeo account was suspended was very high in emotions. I felt foolish for not having foreseen this could happen. I felt shamed as if I had done something wrong. I felt righteous in my endeavor to express myself freely. I felt confused with the place of sex in society and my relationship to it. I felt alive for being so engaged in something real.
In the middle of the night, I decided that if Vimeo reinstated my account, I would upload a video of me crying I had made the week before. It was a bit of a dare with myself, because I feel even more vulnerable about those videos than the ones that are sexually explicit. I followed through as soon as I was back online, which I’m really proud of.
I’m pretty sure that most people who started following me aren’t looking for videos where I’m crying. But I am doing this whole thing for myself first, and I needed to do this. As with most things I’m doing these days, I’m not 100% clear of why I needed to do it. I just know I’ve embarked on a course that I am now following. And it feels a bit like falling down the rabbit hole.”