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Base Wanking by from the album The Ham Machine

animation by Ross Butter


Base Wanking

I love my sports extreme and yes I also enjoy wanking,
So for this brand new sport my lucky stars I'm really thanking,
It's like base jumping but it's got an extra spice of danger,
Before you pull your chute you've got to pull your sausage sabre

Atop the Eiffel Tower I drew in a bracing breath,
And leapt into the blue facing the likelihood of death,
As groundward I accelerated from the skies above,
I whipped out my veined purple-helmeted Spartan of Love

I plummeted while pummeling my pocket pleasure pickle,
I hurtled downwards whacking at my huge pink-seeking missile
I polished at the happy lamp, hurtled towards the deck
While praying with my little bishop in a turtle neck

I shouted out with horror at my fast-approaching doom,
As I fiddled with my meaty, manly, magenta mushroom,
But just as I thought this time I would surely surely die,
My man hammer chucked snot from his singular winking eye

I pulled on my rip chord as I relaxed my gripping fist,
My parachute unfurled as I rejoiced that death I'd missed,
I landed on the solid ground, and briefly had a weep,
Then curled up with my pants still down and fell soundly asleep.

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