It is only when I am once again inside of the bloody chamber that I remember having been there countless times before.
Frankly, Mister Shankly, this is scary as hell. But here goes.
Lets talk about Bluebeards. (My own coinage, dating back decades.)
By my definition, a Bluebeard is a predator with wealth, social capital, power, and leverage. They are a person who habitually, unapologetically exploits more vulnerable humans.
An experienced Bluebeard picks out, grooms, coerces, and then objectifies with ease, counting on the fact that their hopeful prey has been trained, often from birth, to keep small and quiet about abuse. To trust, or, at least, to submit. They go truffle-hunting for fresh prospects like it's a hobby, or maybe a compulsion. They tend to favor marks who already smell of wounds. Those who are predisposed to allow charismatic megafauna to drive the narrative.
Perhaps, sometimes, we have *just* enough fight in us to provide a bit of extra frission. But as soon as a Bluebeard realizes they can't remain in control, or that the gaslighting won't hold... they kill the connection. They discard the object, moving on, untroubled, usually without apology or amends, to their next bride. Who is, more often than not, waiting eagerly just outside the door to their bloody chamber, with a shiny, bloodstained VIP key in hand.
A metric fuckload of graphic anecdotes regarding my Bluebeard, shared with me over the years by other survivors, has been edited out of this video. Didn't sit right. Those stories aren't mine to tell. But they do exist. Knowing that both infuriates me and helps me to feel far less spectral than I did back when the effects of his abuse were peaking.
These days I gaslight myself far more capably than a Bluebeard ever could! I'm typing this out for my own benefit more than anyone else:
Making this video is not pathetic. Posting it is not gossiping. Speaking my truth does not make me an attention whore.
I am calling all of this up from a place of deep hurt, but far deeper love. I'm laying it all out for the sake of harm reduction and peace of mind. Because I'm the only one who can. It's long overdue.
My stories are worth telling, too.
Please don't poke the Jell-O, okay? Please don't ask me who my Bluebeard is. Please don't tell me that you know who he is. Your assumption may well be correct, but that's not the point of this video, or this post.
The point is, Bluebeards abound. Bluebeards rule the world. They get away with murder --figurative and literal-- every day. They fuck with all genders, all races. They graze on the young and the elderly and the poor and the disabled and the marginalized and the neurodivergent.
We take their power away by speaking truth to it. Both alone, and en masse.
Scared. Hope I'm doing the right thing. Hope I've gone about this compassionately. Seeking progress, not perfection. That goes for Bluebeards, too. All of us humans, being.
Thank you for bearing witness. Please be gentle and kind about all of this.