For two weeks the Olympic circus will decend on London and I want to share with you a very grave Olympic related concern. My disquiet centers on the thousands, perhaps millions, of people who will abandon their better sensibilities for the fortnight and become "temporary sport gits".
A plague of gits is guaranteed to descend around any event of Olympic stature and these temporary sport loving ones have long vexed me. Maybe you know one of these temporary sport gits. Maybe you live with one. Perhaps, lord forbid, you are one.
Let me explain. Temporary sport gits will rabidly consume all Olympic-related news and gossip. They will watch many hours of coverage of sports that they have no interest in. They will book the classes, buy the t shirts and become conversant in the obscurest of sporting practices and regulations. The gits will do all this for only one reason. Because everyone else is doing it.
When the Olympics is over these gits will return to normal life with ney but a black hole where their passion for Sailing so recently took root. To my mind the fleeting nature of this interest discloses a repugnant capriciousness. The intensity of that supposed interest only compounds my revulsion. Do they know that they are living a lie?
I say enough is enough. Let's end this fluster.
These eight sketches speculate as to where these obsessions can go if left unchecked. Here am I to check them. I am if you like, the 'git police'. My dream is that these works - my Canterbury Tales - might flush temporary sport gits out. That their gittish folly might be exposed unto themselves and that they may even give themselves a 'gitectomy'.
I shall of course be waiting in the light with open arms for any emancipated gits. A life changed is after all a life saved. (You're very welcome).
My advice in the meantime is to beware of anyone showing a sudden interest in local gyms or athletics clubs. They could be a git. Approach with caution and do not engage them in conversation. If you do you are liable to hear such things as "oh my God, did you see the Steeple Chase last night? It was amaaaaazing!" Lets face it, no one needs that chat.
If you are suspicious of a friend, family member or colleague then perhaps show the individual in question these sketches. If they do not laugh then they are a git.
Go carefuly my friends and enjoy London 2012 responsibly.
They are among us.
Written & Directed by Sami Abusamra (all new work will be shouted about incessantly on twitter: @NotSamiAbusamra)
The Git: Luke Harris (can also be twittered: @ThatBoyOntTelly)
Girlfriend of The Git: Marilyn O'Brien
Director of Git Photography: Stephen J Nelson (stephenjnelson.com/)