This morning, I opened a email from my friend Yoann. He sent me two mp3 titled like a text I wrote a long time ago. In french //previous post// and in english. It was specified that he did that "in one shot just for fun". Ok. I listened to them. Still a bit sleepy. I thought it was very strong. In french and in english it has a different impact. In french, he speaks slowly but with intensity. And in english he puts more distance between himself and the text. He changed his voice, so for me it was not really him talking. And I did not really remember this text very well, so the feeling I had this morning was not the one of my friend reading my texte, but just a guy talking. I let myself going with his voice, and images came to me. It became an exercice of imagination. I propose you to try it if you want.
There is just a voice saying strong stuff. It is very simple. It is a good basis for imagining all around. As if you have a ground plan of a cathedral and you have to imagine the shape of all the structure.
We can ask ourselves about this guy. Who is he? Is he violent in his everyday life? Or is he especially violent against his ex boyfriend? Is it a long time since they broke up? What could have happened between them to generate such violent feelings? To whom this guy is talking to? Is he talking alone? Is he going to do all the stuff he describes?
Personally, in the English version, I feel the guy strangely detached from the words he is saying. I imagine him being in the America of the 90’s talking to his psychologist, a cigarette stuck between his fingers. He would take Xanax every day, and at the supermarket he would take only the products in a promotional package of two or three, cause it gives him the feeling to have received a gift. He could think a lot of horrible things about his ex boyfriend, but he would still go to have sex with him sometimes. His violent thoughts would be his only defense to his own inaction. His life does not satisfy him but he lets himself getting overwhelmed by it. He knows how to think so he is talking, as an escape. But his words do not flow into his arms and legs. He is not doing anything. Then the violence accumulates inside of him.