This photo essay is an exploration of myself.
I'm not introverted by nature and I can pin point moments in my life where I've decided to become this more progressively. I wanted to make a series of photographs to look at my inner feelings towards myself and the person I've become.
I wanted to look at my repetitive nature of dwelling on the past and not being able to give up on anything. I wanted to explore my feelings towards my own mortality. I wanted to look at my feelings of how i judge myself based on gigantic errors in judgement from my past. I wanted to be honest about my insecurities, and shortcomings as a person. I didn't want to tone it down, because of how it would be received by people I know and not feel embarrassed about showing this weakness. I know I don't show it, and come across as heartless to some, though it's not intended. I wanted to look at the person I feel I lost.
The series is called "I'm Not Here, I'm Not there", cause I feel a sense of constantly being in between the past and the present. That though I live in the moment, I'm always looking at the past wanting to recapture something, and change things.
Call this pretentious, call it pathetic, or call it sad. I don't honestly care. This is what my series is about and this is what I'm about.
The text is written by myself, though some are taken from La Dispute songs. Which seemed to be the background music to making all this work.
Music by: Rudi Arapahoe - Pleroma
Proud to call this man my cousin, an incredibly talented neo-classical musician. Please take a listen to his work.