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Narration by Ilona Logvinova
Written, Shot and Cut by Richard Boehmcke
Music by Aeron: Besides a River
Shot on the iPhone 5
It starts as a whisper.
Something barely audible
Just beneath the surface
Yet it persists
Raising it's little hand
Over and over again
Demanding to be heard.
It is patiently clear and frustratingly eloquent.
What if, it says
What if there is something else out there?
Somewhere saturated with possibility.
Brighter than now
Better than the home we unintentionally built
Like Kissing stalactites.
Bit by bit
We are both visitor and fixture
And we ask how we ended up here in the first place
Our minds runs backwards
To victories and failures
To the hurt we never got over
We are fools
Thinking there is a distance in the time lapsed from memories
That they fade the way cities do into rearview mirrors
In cautiously closed boxes
Waiting patiently to re-brake what we fixed
To crush us again.
Every time is our last time.
We feel always wiser
Until we aren't.
Drunkenly shouting our insecurities to the world.
We are connected and alone.
Following our needs as compass
To a place we hope for.
Where the air doesn't rely on the sun to stay warm.
Where our confidence supersedes our insecurities
If just barely
Where our thoughts no longer chase each other
We feel closer to self destruction than world domination
But we chase the latter to evade the former.
We were beautiful messes before we were anything else.
We are runaways
Fleeing the insufferable
Floors the color of immigration crab meat
And friends we should have never known.
We come out the other side.
Of sex and mistakes and fears.
Of anxiety and helplessness and worry.
We wonder how on earth it is possible to know one's self less as time goes on.
We have short memories and hard feelings.
We ignore our fears until it's too late.
We'd rather pretend than prevent
This, we say, we realize, is life.
The life we always pined for but never knew how to pursue.
Because we chased before we knew how to create
We fear a life lived in the tailwind of someone else's success.
We watch our infinite sun set and wonder about our own legacy.
We forget the middle ground.
We lose focus
And constantly forget
That we are always in a beautiful middle
That glues our experiences together.
A nutrient Rich soil that feeds us and is responsible for our growth.
It does not defines us but it refines us
Slowly becoming more relevant regardless of what we wish or want.
We leave home and run towards the things that call us,
We run at full speed
Desperately denying the inevitable.
That our steps are finite
That our story ends
But for now we run
Toward the sun
Chasing our forever
Lyrics by Richard Boehmcke