We have found the key to handsfree self-ports and shakeless videos! Now, this is a little embarrassing, but it was on our keychain the whole time.
It's the Keyprop. A tiny gizmo that holds on tight to your audio jack (or in the case of iPhone 5, your lightning port) and helps your smartphone stand up all on its own.
It's made of super durable plastic, is the same size and shape and slightly lighter than a key, so it's happy to hitch a ride on your keychain. You'll hardly even notice it's there.
You can stack your house/car/treasure chest keys under the Keyprop to adjust the angle at which your phone is standing.
Use it with a self-timer app to take selfies and group photos with you in them! Pair it with a slow-shutter app for sharp-as-a-tack night shots. Or, make shake free time lapses and videos.
It's so light and well camouflaged with your keys, you'll just about forget you're carrying it around. Try not to forget entirely though, cuz that kind of defeats the purpose.