A Film by Katherine Deutch Tatlock / From the Fanlight Collection at Icarus Films
What happens when you lose your ovaries or your libido, your long-time partner or your home, your identity or your hope for a full, long life? Any one such loss would shake you. What about all of them?
Diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer at age 42, Dr. Katherine "Kasia" Clark was given 1-2 years to live. Ten years later, OUTSIDE IN reveals her fight to reclaim body and soul, following Kasia from hospital bed to exam rooms and doctor consultations, training for triathlons, making art movies with her mother, and suing the doctors who missed her diagnosis. From the unique point of view of a doctor-turned-patient, Kasia seeks answers to profound questions: "How can I save myself?" "Who can I trust?" "Who am I now?" "How do I choose to live?" "When do I prepare to die?"
Through frank discussions with her medical doctors, psychiatrist, physicist father, artist mother, schizophrenic sister, and good friends, Kasia exposes her fears, longings, and hopes. She challenges her body with risky rock climbs, rigorous swims, vertical ski slopes. She speaks in an articulate, angry, and determined voice. She swims and swims. She finds solace in art and nature, vindication in the law, spiritualism in music, and a sense of control in filmmaking and mastering the violin.
While relying on evidence-based medical treatment and her own experience as a doctor, Kasia steps out of the box to save her life and redefine her identity, professionally and personally, physically and emotionally, and sexually. She leaves her longtime partner and home in the country to rediscover herself with new people and places, experimenting with mind/body therapies and radical nutritional regimens, always pushing herself physically to solve the mystery of, "How can I be sick if I'm getting stronger?"
OUTSIDE IN was filmed over nine years and draws from 170 hours of footage, film clips, home movies, still photos, artwork, and clippings. Enhanced by multi-layered imagery, artistic elements, and a music score as complex as the film's subject, OUTSIDE IN reflects the nature and rhythms of a fascinating individual from the "outside in." Viewers are left with fresh thoughts and feelings about healing, identity, and their own way of life, guided by the wisdom of Henry David Thoreau, "You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment."
★★★"Katherine Deutch Tatlock’s nine-year-project documents one woman’s unique approach to receiving a cancer diagnosis. ...Clark’s take-no-prisoner attitude will surely inspire some viewers...Recommended.”—Video Librarian
"In her early forties Dr. Katherine ("Kasia”) Clark, received a diagnosis no woman wants to hear—advanced ovarian cancer. This film project documenting her experiences over the ensuing nine years was undertaken as both a record of the journey to help others as well as a creative form of therapy. That the subject is tough is undeniably true, as demonstrated throughout her fierce struggle to live her life on her own terms, not just as a patient, and certainly not as a victim. She is very frank, however, about the challenges—physical and emotional—of dealing with this insidious and unpredictable cancer. Interspersed with footage of her commentary are interviews with family, friends, doctors and therapists. The fact that Clark is herself a family physician also adds an interesting twist, particularly in her embrace of complementary therapies as a patient. Ultimately this filmed journal plays like a battle between two dogged fighters—Clark and cancer. Although the documentary ends inconclusively, the money is on Clark. —Educational Media Reviews Online
"Very powerful...very direct, intimate and personal. It certainly raised my consciousness to certain important patient issues that I was not previously sensitive to as I focus on the much easier issues of providing traditional medical care." —Dr. John Saltzman, Gastroenterologist, Director of Endoscopy Brigham and Women's Hospital
"A remarkable film, very truly inspiring. People need to hear [this] story, not only as a personal journey, but also as a cautionary tale." —Andrew Solomon, Author The Stone Boat
"A remarkable accomplishment! Kasia is a surrogate for millions of people who have shown heroic resolve and resilience in the face of terrifying experiences and uncertainty." —Deborah L. Levy, PHD, Director Psychology Research Laboratory, McLean Hospital