Santa, fake snow and autoerotic asphyxiation all figure prominently at the 2009 Hollywood Christmas Parade. All the action is at Scientology HQ: L. Ron Hubbard's Winter Wonderland! Unfortunately your humble narrator was the only protester who brought a sign or masks to this major event. As other protesters just watched like tourists I was endlessly set up and enturbulated by a red sweatered monster named Mrs. Burpee! I would be very angry too if that was my last name. Do you know what it is like to have Mrs. Burpee constantly bumping against my thighs for an hour? Also apearing Patty Baber, Mark Lowell, Anonorange, Buddy, the LAPD and absolutely no Jesus. It's Christmas after all.