Is the gall bladder issue really that important? Did it cause the death? Couldn't the surgery have been performed, found out there was no gall bladder, and then she still wouldn't die?
Did not explain the blood thinner issue thoroughly. It's not simple for people just coming to these facts. Need to lead them through it.
Focus less on the shock of there being no gall bladder and more on the neglect in post op
need to do more with Jesse
Did not address your weaknesses, which means you didn't take the opportunity to turn them into strengths or explain why they aren't important to focus on.