1. http://twitter.com/delicioussteak
    http://www.facebook.com/dbuniverse
    danbrownuniverse@gmail.com

    Support #POGOBAT on Patreon!
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    Rough Transcript:

    An Open Letter To Duck Dynasty Fans

    Hey world! I’m Dan Brown and this is Pogobat!

    [INTRO]

    Hey dan!
    Have you heard all this hoopla about A&E and suspending a cast member of duck dynasty?? What do you think about all this?! You should make a video about it.

    Jeremy

    Jeremy, I HAVE heard of all this hoopla, and all this hoopla is exactly why I’m standing in a field in the middle of nowhere in Nebraska. Duck Dynasty fans love fields and middles of nowhere.

    Now, DD fans will be the first to tell you that there ain’t nothin’ wrong with being simple, and I’m here to back them up on that.

    There ain’t nothin’ wrong with watchin’ cable in your undies with a six pack at your side and a shotgun across your lap!

    There ain’t nothin’ wrong with being religious, there ain’t nothin’ wrong with being conservatively inclined. Where I draw the line, however, is when a whole class of folks starts hatin’ on their fellow man.

    I first heard of this Duck Dynasty hoopla on, where else, facebook! A conservative relative posted a link, and an even more conservative friend of his brought things to the next level. [GFX]

    I knew exactly what needed to be done… I posted a link to Samwell’s club banger “What What In The Butt.”

    [CLIP: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7YFU]

    And the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day!

    Actually my conservative relative deleted the link, and that’s probably for the best. That level of gayness probably would have given that other dude an aneurism.

    I went back to the drawing board and ultimately came up with this:

    Hey guys, I don't know many of you, but would still ask you to please rethink your support for Duck Dynasty's fandom.

    I'm not here to enter into a religious debate about the merits of one type of relationship over another, but I'd like to remind you that we're blessed enough to live in the most culturally influential nation on earth. The ideals we choose to defend have a way of trickling down to other nations, and with such great power comes a certain responsibility.

    In Uganda there is currently a bill, awaiting their President's signature, that would (and likely will) make homosexuality a crime, punishable by death. You can read more here: http://bit.ly/1exQ2A4

    I'm not asking you to change your religious views, I'm not trying to blame what's happening in Uganda on one TV personality, but I am asking you to consider what message this "Duck Dynasty" flap sends to the world. I am of the opinion that defending this man's bigotry is irresponsible. As Americans we should expect more of one another.

    While this Duck Dynasty flare-up may have you questioning whatever shreds of faith you have left in humanity, might I suggest that you take a deep breath and a step back.

    In the last decade we have made great strides as a nation when it comes to people accepting people as people.

    This Duck Dynasty thing might, in the moment, feel like America is taking a big step back, but in hindsight I think we’ll see this as a last gasp of a dying form of bigotry.

    See, as the population of bigots decreases, each individual bigot feels more isolated and vulnerable in their bigotry, so they band together and make a lot of noise on facebook to feel bigger and better about themselves.

    In truth, however, this is their weakest moment. They are overplaying their hand and it’s a very easy bluff to call. Just follow these three simple steps!

    1) Find a corner of your personal social network where Duck Dynasty fans have banded together.

    2) Introduce yourself in a friendly, non-combative way.

    3) Without trying to convince them that they are wrong--that part’s important-- express your opinion regarding Duck Dynasty and suggest that they reconsider theirs.

    To be clear this is not about logic for them so don’t engage them on logical grounds. Saying things like “Jesus never mentioned gay people” or “free speech doesn’t mean freedom from repercussions for what you speak,” while true, isn’t going to get you very far. If they were going to change their mind on logical grounds it would have happened, ehhhh, at some point in 2011...

    The most effective way to ward off this latest outbreak of bigotry is to just assert yourself. If someone you know thinks that facebook might be a comfortable place to perpetuate hate, just very humbly make it a little less comfortable for them.

    And I’m very serious about this by the way. Like, actually do it, screencap the results, and send me an email with them: danbrownuniverse@gmail.com Until then, I’m Dan Brown and you’re not, unless you are… there are many of us.

    # vimeo.com/83053437 Uploaded 337 Plays 0 Comments
  2. Featuring Adam Zahller (my brother) on guitar!

    danbrownuniverse@gmail.com
    http://twitter.com/delicioussteak
    http://www.facebook.com/dbuniverse

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    Transcript:

    Hey world! I'm Dan Brown and this is Pogobat!

    [INTRO]

    Hey Dan,

    In a hypothetical universe in which Pokemon exist, would it be ethical to eat them? I was just wondering what your opinion would be as it has previously been mentioned that slowpoke tails are edible.

    Sincerely, Brad.

    Brad, do you know what this is?

    [CLIP: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aE2oFH9kmE 0:06-0:09]

    That was a cockfight.

    If it's okay for Chickens to fight each other in the real world and it's okay for us to eat chickens, and if it's okay for Pokemon to fight each other in the Pokemon world it should absolutely be okay to eat Pokemon.

    And I don't want to hear any of your crap about trainers' emotional attachment to their pokemon...

    [CLIP: http://facedl.com/fvideo.php?f=aionieqononuo&ash-releases-butterfree 0:40-0:47]

    [Big ol' Sob]

    I mean, okay, you can get pretty close with your pokemon, but people have emotional attachments to chickens! Here's one--this video's called "My Sister's Pet Chicken."

    [CLIP: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRpJLJ9GAow 0:24-0:30]

    Yeah, and here's Chicklet, helping out in the kitchen.

    [CLIP: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mi80y6FP21s 1:33-1:43]

    Okay, maybe the nuances of human/chicken love might be lost on anyone who hasn't directly experienced it, but it's not just chickens.

    [CLIP: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MVPGyzRN1c 3:00-3:08]

    Sometimes the things you love have to strap razors to their ankles and fight to the death. Sometimes the things that you love have to have their meat parts removed and turned into nuggets. Welcome to adulthood.

    Not only should eating Pokemon be perfectly acceptable--I have a hunch that it already is. Consider the fisherman.

    [CLIP: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3txCFup5f4 0:09- 0:14]

    I mean, what's he really up to? Just fishing all day? He's already got his level 22 goldeen--what's he doing with all the level five or six magikarp he's gotta be catching all day? Food for thought.

    Now, there are exceptions: legendaries should be protected and respected as the rare and vulnerable species they are, I don't know who would really want to eat any amount of, say, Graveler, but "leg of Krabby"? "scrambled Eggseggcute"? Sign me up!

    But here's what I can't figure out. If you ate only grass-type pokemon could you consider yourself a vegetarian?

    # vimeo.com/83546784 Uploaded 239 Plays 2 Comments

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Dan Brown

#POGOBAT is what happens when you take America's Funniest Home Videos' clip-show format, NOVA's focus on our place in both the political and scientific universes, Nerdfighteria's emphasis on community, and the absurdity of Tom Green, blend it all together…


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#POGOBAT is what happens when you take America's Funniest Home Videos' clip-show format, NOVA's focus on our place in both the political and scientific universes, Nerdfighteria's emphasis on community, and the absurdity of Tom Green, blend it all together into a punchy, seven-ish minute show and pour it directly into the brains of the greatest audience on the Internet, the PogoTribe!

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