1. In this bleak, relentlessly morbid talk, James Mickens will describe why making computers secure is an intrinsically impossible task. He will explain why no programming language makes it easy to write secure code. He will then discuss why cloud computing is a black hole for privacy, and only useful for people who want to fill your machine with ads, viruses, or viruses that masquerade as ads. At this point in the talk, an audience member may suggest that Bitcoins can make things better. Mickens will laugh at this audience member and then explain why trusting the Bitcoin infrastructure is like asking Dracula to become a vegan. Mickens will conclude by describing why true love is a joke and why we are all destined to die alone and tormented. The first ten attendees will get balloon animals, and/or an unconvincing explanation about why Mickens intended to (but did not) bring balloon animals. Mickens will then flee on horseback while shouting “The Prince of Lies escapes again!”

    # vimeo.com/135347162 Uploaded 42.4K Plays 7 Comments
  2. Something terrible happened here. Traces of errors litter the floor; memory leaking from cracks in the ceiling. Someone lost their object context in the corner. Everything reeks of jank. In this session, a JavaScript error tracking expert breaks down a series of common and complex crimes against web applications. You’ll leave the session armed with techniques and tools to detect, diagnose, and fix your JavaScript web applications. Bring your bugs and let’s fix up our web.

    # vimeo.com/133137606 Uploaded 2,490 Plays 1 Comment
  3. Too often we just kind of wait for a good idea to hit, without any deliberate method to harvest it.

    # vimeo.com/132814070 Uploaded 1,135 Plays 1 Comment
  4. In this bleak, relentlessly morbid talk, James Mickens will describe why making computers secure is an intrinsically impossible task. He will explain why no programming language makes it easy to write secure code. He will then discuss why cloud computing is a black hole for privacy, and only useful for people who want to fill your machine with ads, viruses, or viruses that masquerade as ads. At this point in the talk, an audience member may suggest that Bitcoins can make things better. Mickens will laugh at this audience member and then explain why trusting the Bitcoin infrastructure is like asking Dracula to become a vegan. Mickens will conclude by describing why true love is a joke and why we are all destined to die alone and tormented. The first ten attendees will get balloon animals, and/or an unconvincing explanation about why Mickens intended to (but did not) bring balloon animals. Mickens will then flee on horseback while shouting “The Prince of Lies escapes again!”

    # vimeo.com/132444816 Uploaded 3,436 Plays 4 Comments
  5. Everybody is talking about big data, and NoSQL technologies are all the rage these days. But do you really have "big data", or is your database server just slow? Should you take the plunge into the deep end of the NoSQL pool, or just use a relational database? If you do start using NoSQL, which of the many different systems best fits your particular use case? And how do you transition your existing infrastructure and code to a whole new, conceptually different, storage mechanism?

    All of these questions and more will be answered in this session. You'll learn about the various families of NoSQL data stores, their pros and cons, and which problems each one is designed to solve. You'll get a better understanding of when to use relational databases, when to use NoSQL and when to use a polyglot combination of storage technologies. You'll hear about ways to plan and execute staged system migrations from relational to NoSQL databases. And finally, you'll find out how to search and analyze your stored data quickly and efficiently.

    Database Big Data

    # vimeo.com/132194546 Uploaded 2,381 Plays 0 Comments

NDC Oslo 2015

NDC Conferences PRO

Oslo Spektrum, Norway
15-19 June 2015

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