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FunnyMovieInternet was born Christmas Day 1928 on the front steps of the Brooklyn Public Library. Due to a rare lung condition, young FunnyMovieInternet spent most of his days applying a thick and pungent salve to his inner thighs whilst gazing forlornly out the filthy windows of the dilapidated water barrel that his family called home, the sight of other children playing a vigorous game of Hide-In-A-Trashcan a constant torture to his sad, sad eyeballs.

But fate had more in store for FunnyMovieInternet than a coal-smudged face and dinners of lightly braised applejack hats, for at the age of 14, he started his first business, a, at the time, revolutionary combination of vegetable stand and feline-training facility. Within five years his humble business had expanded into a nationwide chain of modestly-priced pancake restaurants, and by 1983, the world's largest international airline.

In the year 2000, at the age of 72, FunnyMovieInternet's greedy and bow-legged children broke into his tiki party-themed mansion, snuck into the bathroom as he slept, and proceeded to repeatedly clap their hands together, stomp their feet, and bellow obscure profanities until the old man died from shock. After failing to resuscitate FunnyMovieInternet, doctors ignored the family's wishes and made the controversial decision to send the corpse on an international decomposition tour. His bones now reside in a private collection.

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