a movie about making a movie about a first girlfriend.
the Final KWAK coming Oct 16 2015, cuz this ain't the final.
L E T T E R to KWAK
"I am very very sorry that I made this movie about you. And I'm sorry that you ended up being the girl with whom I had my first kiss. I mean, for me it was an incredible moment, just like Wwow. But it must've placed such an annoying pressure on you. And somebody really should've stopped me from asking you to move in with me. And perhaps we shouldn't have gone all the way out to France (for the film festival). I got a little (or very) carried away. Being in love (of the intimate kind) is definitely a temporary (harmless?) mental illness. I mean, I loved every part of it, our trip. It's the one time (so far) that I've ever been on a vacation, and with a girl, so, you know, I finally felt like I'd taken some major step towards being a grown-up. I figured even our down moments were just natural in the course of two potential lover type people getting to know one another. But perhaps I was in denial of what really was going on, namely that I was the unbearable type (a man too square, too lame, too whatever). Or rather, I knew all about that, about us being a mismatch, but kept hoping you'd overlook the shortcomings (mine/ours), and in time I/we'd snap out of it, turn into a hipper than hip couple (as hip as I could ever be, i.e. not very much), if that's what you really wanted. I don't know what you really wanted, or if that's even a thing to attempt to get at, what anybody wants. So, as I saw it, you just wanted to be honest about things, be real, not a stereotype. Me, I was chasing my fantasy. I figured, hey, I could still stay square and you'd go along with it, cuz I felt like maybe you did see it as charming (to some degree). I mean, you'll always be Way cooler than me. & With you I quit caring about being cool. That was great. Anywho, I am sorry that I kept forcing myself into your life in those weird & awkward ways, wanting you to be my girl, wanting myself to be your guy, sending u blatant declarations of love, via txts, handwritten letters, in short movies. I mean, if I was on the receiving end of all that sappy, loud-hearted stuff, I'd like totally skip town, one day to the next. So, now that I know more about myself, I thank you for tolerating me, to the point of not tolerating me. And that's totally understandable. I pushed too far. I wish I hadn't. I've learned from my dumbass mistakes. So, here's some history. First gift I ever gave you was Umberto D. Then I had Agnes Varda sign a Cleo from 5 to 7 for you. And cuz u saved all my letters in a shoebox (u showed me that once, tucked away up in ur closet behind some of ur shoes), I figured maybe all my expression of love was a right thing to do. I was wrong to wanna replace the men in your life, who I'd always write off as lecherous dudes. And that I was the right guy for you (innocent, pure, blah blah blah). Man, I'm sorry. Totally conceited of me. I still can't figure it out though. Must've been something about me, something repulsive. I hope it wasn't occasional/constant bad breath. I gotta get a dentist to tell me about that. I know me making this movie must've come across as such an insult to you. And then I asked you to watch it, cuz I needed to know that you'd be okay with it. Mostly I just wanted to see you laugh at it, to laugh with me at it, to let bygones be bygones. Sure, maybe I did want some revenge, to get the last laugh, the last hurrah. I'm sorry about that impulse. But I was still growing up. I know that's a lame ass defense. And I'm sorry I never did enough to see things from your side. Every time you'd plead to me for space, I just would never get it. So, I'm sorry about all that. Me at your place that night watching this movie was the last time we saw each other. Some days later you sent me a txt asking me to remove your name from the movie's title, and I wrote back, as bluntly as I could, 'I'm sorry, what's done is done.' Man, I should've done you that favor. I'm sorry that I didn't. I guess all I really wanna say now is thank you. I'm a better man cuz of u. Your pal, Ahmed."
here's nice articles on KWAK at NoBudge.com
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