Che Patterson


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...i invented the 360 wave...i occasionally float...i bleed Open Pit...I climbed half of mt. everest, then quit because I didn't feel challenged...not only did i invent beer, I invented the glass bottle, "suds", and the concept of intoxication...I guarded michael jordan in '88...he didn't score...I was one rebound away from a triple double with 4 minutes left in the game...I took myself out because I had a prizefight with Mike Tyson later that night and I wanted to be fresh...I created ranch dressing...when Columbus "discovered" America, I was already there hand-crafting gold herringbones...I invented the letter "j", giving you classic words like jalapeno and Jasikevicius, and such timeless songs as "Jam On It" and "Welcome to the Jungle" face was originally on the $100 dollar bill, but it was removed after it was deemed "Too Hard for Circulation" this day, everybody at "Cheers" knows my name...I have a weed plant that grows perfectly rolled blunts...and I have a small "lighter tree" growing right next to it...I can beat the original "Contra" on one under 10 minutes...under 8 if I have a NES even though i discovered the code to get 30 lives, i never needed to use it...I ghost write for MF Doom...I was on the first episode of "The Real Gilligan's Island" but I was disqualified for getting off that bitch too quickly...I was mayor of Detroit, but I was impeached when I put a nugget ring on the Joe Louis fist...during the 80's, I thrilled wrestling fans everywhere under the alias "The Iron Sheik"...even Sammy Hagar drives 55 when I say so...


  1. RockStar Media
  2. rex miller/rexpix media
  3. Shorty Longback
  4. Henry C Taylor II
  5. halestorm
  6. marvin wonder
  7. janell rohan