Craig Schmidt Plus

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Based on a True Story
July 19, 1954: I am born, prematurely, so I am told, eager to hit the ground crawling. Memory is hazy on this.

July 19-October 19, 1954: Ninety days in the hole. Incubators circa 1954 were little more than baby-size aquariums with a 75 watt bulb for light and heat. I still wake up screaming to nightmares in which giant hands covered by thick black rubber gloves reach through secure openings in the glass walls and tap powdered baby food onto me.

1955-1958: I stumbled over furniture, tumbled down stairs. A lot. Parents attributed clumsiness to brain damage.

1959: Turns out I was blind as a mole. First kid in Okauchee Elementary to be fitted with glasses. Extra real thick, like two coke bottle lenses stacked atop each other. Scarred me emotionally for life. That and taunts of "Craig Schmidt his pants...."

1959: Enrolled in public school. Memo to self: Rethink efficacy of school vouchers and charter schools.

1968: Campaigned for GOP and Richard M. Nixon in 1968 general election. Even on her deathbed, my mother reminded me of this fact. She always felt I should have enlisted in the military and remained a Republican.