At an early age, my parents instilled in me traditional values: Brush your teeth, always say 'thank you', and never rub chutney on the blind. Having matured faster than others at my school, I was often found grumbling about the price of a decent steak in downtown Manhattan. Depression set in. I became a registered member of the Socialist Party, but upon arrival discovered that I was tremendously overdressed. I spent my late teens hitchhiking across Rhode Island where I fell in love with a Portuguese shin model named Alfred Lord Tennyson (she showed me her license). Our story was made into the hit movie ‘Clambake’. Since then I’ve settled down and taken up the hobby of napping. My only remaining goal in life is to lick syrup off the nipples of a Supreme Court Judge.
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