It begins with an elevated heart rate. Sweaty palms, weak knees … and a familiar feeling of fear in the pit of your stomach. Whether addressing a large audience from the podium, or center stage, under the heat of a spotlight, stage fright can afflict even the most talented entertainers. From mild jitters to complete paralysis, performance anxiety manifests itself in many forms. And though there is no magic cure, some coping mechanisms (breathing exercises, imagining your audience is naked) have been known to help. But what happens when all else fails, and the success of your career hinges on delivering a powerful performance in front of a large crowd? In this week’s Staff Pick Premiere, “Hold On,” filmmaker and Staff Pick alum Charlotte Scott-Wilson offers an intimate look at one’s inner battle with anxiety in the highly competitive world of classical music.
Winner of the Best Narrative Short prize at the 2016 Tribeca Film Festival, “Hold On” follows Kyra, an accomplished cellist, as she struggles to regain her confidence after a setback on stage. Playing out like a twisted psychological thriller reminiscent of Black Swan and Whiplash, the film takes a dark turn as Kyra’s insecurities lead her towards a dangerous addiction. Inspired by true stories of classical musicians dealing with performance anxiety, Scott-Wilson’s expertly crafted script examines the fierce competitiveness among the players and the unhealthy stigma towards emotional weakness. While some musicians would argue that some anxiety is a normal part of public performance and that all players should compete on a level playing field, Scott-Wilson fears this attitude creates an alienating environment prone to addiction. In Kyra’s case, bottling up her emotions creates an unhealthy cocktail of ambition and fear. “Research has proven that 30% of all musicians use beta blockers to calm their nerves. Something everybody knows, but nobody is talking about,” says Scott-Wilson, addressing the secretive ways in which musicians are coping with anxiety. “With ‘Hold On,’ I want to strike a blow to the industry. I hope people will stop being afraid of their feelings, instead of numbing them, and that they might even start talking about them.”
The shame and guilt that Kyra experiences is common acrossthe arts, where a single film, show, or performance has the potential to make or break careers. As a filmmaker, Scott-Wilson recognizes these feelings and the biological effects of self-doubt in her own practice. And actress Charlie Chan Dagelet, who delivers an intense and emotionally complex performance as Kyra, experienced her own fear of performing on stage while making the film. Luckily for us, they both worked through these feelings to deliver a powerful and visceral film that will hopefully open the door for others dealing with anxiety.
Scott-Wilson plans to continue to explore the world of orchestral music with her upcoming projects and we’re excited to see where she takes us next.
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